Just wanted to send a note of thanks - this year I have been working on gratitude, sharing my learnings from others on how that works in our minds and bodies.
Appreciate your vulnerabilities in your writing and have shared with many of my colleagues and friends. So funning i was going to suggest a book, then you shared you are in the middle of one.
Such a beautiful family worth all the effort to remove the vast expectations and focus on the valuable few that make you happy. I'm glad you are at this point with clear pillars guiding you forward.
Gosh, Jacob. This hits home. In so many ways. When the world is all about more, more, more. Subtraction feels so foreign. The guilt of “should be” and sense of chasing that leads to “never enough.” It seeds itself early and is like a pesky weed that’s rooted deeply and spreads quickly. While I certainly cannot speak to becoming sober like you can, after living much of what you’ve discussed, it does feel like a constant battle to stay sober. Not to be drawn back into the dopamine chase. To subtract. To be still. To stay true to self. Holding space for these conversations is so important. Thank you for sharing.
When you work in tech long enough — or perhaps in corporate America more generally speaking — you start to recognize that all monetization paths point towards tapping into addiction and psychological receptors. Yeesh
It is human. Whether CEO or cleaner, we carry the same needs, the same worries.
After almost twenty years working close to C-level leaders, I noticed something unexpected.
Many of them live a life I would never aspire to. Constant fixing. Constant urgency. Endless reaction.
While the real fires and floods develop quietly in the background until they finally become crises.
Not because of malice. Because of exhaustion. Energy slowly drained.
Limits extended beyond what the system can carry. It is like constantly adjusting a car engine and calling it fine-tuning while ignoring that the machine is being pushed beyond its limits. At some point the cost appears.
Often as collateral damage.
And when exhaustion becomes the norm, relief replaces repair. A kind word in the moment replaces structural change.
Two weeks later the same problem returns. Raises are negotiated while the best people quietly leave instead of redesigning the role so they do not burn out. The same pattern appears everywhere.
More activities for children instead of asking what the child actually wants. Nightclubs and drinking to forget the weight of purchases that cannot be maintained. Relationships that become strange arrangements of survival.
Eventually survival mode takes over.
Getting through the day becomes the only objective.
Scrolling.
Distraction.
Killing time.
All of it avoiding one simple truth that could change everything.
Facing oneself.
Building from within.
The first step is simple but difficult:
energy preservation.
Without capacity, no one moves upward. They slowly sink. Not only physical energy. Emotional. Psychological. Spiritual.
Eventually life forces the meeting anyway. The body intervenes. Shame is not failure. It is human.
Acknowledging it, standing in it, even sharing it with others so they do not repeat the same cycle that is humility.
Beautifully shared. I have a hunch that you and I would be friends. My time as CEO was the most hollow and unfulfilling of my life. I lost everyone close to me — and bonded closer with my spouse. Now, my family and mental health is the central focus.
Dang. Sometimes you gotta go through hell to get the perspective you need. Glad you made it to where you are. Gratitude is so powerful, totally agree. The compass is a solid framing device. Sometimes the things you want to protect (your career ambition and being a good parent) can feel at odds. But there’s something in what you can subtract (identifying boundaries) that make it work. I think that’s the hard part people need a framework for.
I’m not sure there is a framework — not one for everyone. Time to reflect and unplug is the closest thing I’ve found to consistently challenge what needs to be removed. You know when it works because you feel a weight lifted immediately upon making the decision.
Beautiful article about extraction, but I cannot notice but bring up this sentence about fact checking on your wife with Google and Harvard confirmation. That’s a classic example of how much we want to be right about something we deny at the same time.
Just wanted to send a note of thanks - this year I have been working on gratitude, sharing my learnings from others on how that works in our minds and bodies.
Appreciate your vulnerabilities in your writing and have shared with many of my colleagues and friends. So funning i was going to suggest a book, then you shared you are in the middle of one.
Grateful
Thank you Delia <3 Hope you are well. Miss out chats!
Thank you for sharing this, Jacob.
Such a beautiful family worth all the effort to remove the vast expectations and focus on the valuable few that make you happy. I'm glad you are at this point with clear pillars guiding you forward.
Love it. So powerful, deep, and touches every cell of inner me. Thank you for sharing Jacob!
Bless you friend.
Gosh, Jacob. This hits home. In so many ways. When the world is all about more, more, more. Subtraction feels so foreign. The guilt of “should be” and sense of chasing that leads to “never enough.” It seeds itself early and is like a pesky weed that’s rooted deeply and spreads quickly. While I certainly cannot speak to becoming sober like you can, after living much of what you’ve discussed, it does feel like a constant battle to stay sober. Not to be drawn back into the dopamine chase. To subtract. To be still. To stay true to self. Holding space for these conversations is so important. Thank you for sharing.
When you work in tech long enough — or perhaps in corporate America more generally speaking — you start to recognize that all monetization paths point towards tapping into addiction and psychological receptors. Yeesh
What you describe here is not surprising.
It is human. Whether CEO or cleaner, we carry the same needs, the same worries.
After almost twenty years working close to C-level leaders, I noticed something unexpected.
Many of them live a life I would never aspire to. Constant fixing. Constant urgency. Endless reaction.
While the real fires and floods develop quietly in the background until they finally become crises.
Not because of malice. Because of exhaustion. Energy slowly drained.
Limits extended beyond what the system can carry. It is like constantly adjusting a car engine and calling it fine-tuning while ignoring that the machine is being pushed beyond its limits. At some point the cost appears.
Often as collateral damage.
And when exhaustion becomes the norm, relief replaces repair. A kind word in the moment replaces structural change.
Two weeks later the same problem returns. Raises are negotiated while the best people quietly leave instead of redesigning the role so they do not burn out. The same pattern appears everywhere.
More activities for children instead of asking what the child actually wants. Nightclubs and drinking to forget the weight of purchases that cannot be maintained. Relationships that become strange arrangements of survival.
Eventually survival mode takes over.
Getting through the day becomes the only objective.
Scrolling.
Distraction.
Killing time.
All of it avoiding one simple truth that could change everything.
Facing oneself.
Building from within.
The first step is simple but difficult:
energy preservation.
Without capacity, no one moves upward. They slowly sink. Not only physical energy. Emotional. Psychological. Spiritual.
Eventually life forces the meeting anyway. The body intervenes. Shame is not failure. It is human.
Acknowledging it, standing in it, even sharing it with others so they do not repeat the same cycle that is humility.
And there is nothing wrong with that.
Beautifully shared. I have a hunch that you and I would be friends. My time as CEO was the most hollow and unfulfilling of my life. I lost everyone close to me — and bonded closer with my spouse. Now, my family and mental health is the central focus.
Dang. Sometimes you gotta go through hell to get the perspective you need. Glad you made it to where you are. Gratitude is so powerful, totally agree. The compass is a solid framing device. Sometimes the things you want to protect (your career ambition and being a good parent) can feel at odds. But there’s something in what you can subtract (identifying boundaries) that make it work. I think that’s the hard part people need a framework for.
I’m not sure there is a framework — not one for everyone. Time to reflect and unplug is the closest thing I’ve found to consistently challenge what needs to be removed. You know when it works because you feel a weight lifted immediately upon making the decision.
Beautiful article about extraction, but I cannot notice but bring up this sentence about fact checking on your wife with Google and Harvard confirmation. That’s a classic example of how much we want to be right about something we deny at the same time.
I’m being facetious.
Such a powerful and timely read. Thank you for sharing. T
Thank you, friend.